Casino Times - Lost
You ever take a walk late at night through a casino?
Each has this twinkle of desperation in their eye.
And things like casinos, and doomed love affairs, exist because of our ignorant optimism.
The last time I was in a casino, I realized the gamblers, staying in the game despite the losses or the time, reminded me of someone with a crush.
Gamblers have the same twinkle of desperation in their eye as an unrequited lover.
And I know that look.
You casino times some of her love the drill.
Everyone will tell you how long distance relationships never work.
The chances of it working are like… hitting the million-dollar jackpot on a slot machine.
But I was still willing to risk my heart to heartbreak if it meant I had a casino times some of her love I could win hers.
And so, I bet on technology.
Just ask the guy who owns Friendster.
You and I, we live with a certain modern irony, one that confuses our hearts and minds.
And in our newly connected world you can grow confused by a false sense of proximity because your digital life feels so very similar to what happens in real life, at least, in terms of how it makes you feel.
You know there is a distance, but your awareness of it is intellectual.
All your heart knows is it feels close to someone, even though they may be thousands and thousands of miles away.
We may be stupid at times.
When you reach across the world on the internet and exchange love messages your heart casino times some of her love respond as if they were from your next-door neighbor.
Now, your mind knows the difference.
Our digital divide was too great for her.
She needed someone she could touch, smell and kiss.
Which is funny because I was the romantic, the one with the hungry heart.
I could only hear my heart.
She was the one who saw our love story had little chance, and thus, remained more rationally engaged.
I was the love-struck gambler.
She was the casino.
A real gambling junkie is a cautionary tale that shows how someone gets strung out on the winning, and how they ignore the losing part of the cycle.
Every win triggers cascading waves of pleasure, rippling endorphin rushes, and the sort of psychological highs that maybe only astronauts and lovers understand.
All those little wins along the way keep them at the table.
And then one day, like a gambling junkie, you look around and see you have little or nothing left to gamble.
You have nothing to show for it.
Good news is, once it hurts, you start to feel better, eventually.
First, you must step outside yourself and gain some perspective.
Well, what would you say?
Whatever that is — say it to a mirror reflection of you.
Stare yourself deep in the eyes.
And say it every day you click here to until you finally hear your own words.
Tell yourself you need to move on.
You deserve something real.
And then listen to yourself.
They probably look great.
Now imagine their laugh.
I bet you look forward to hearing them laugh.
Now imagine how they smell.
Can you smell their hair, their neck, the way the air takes on their aroma when they move past you?
Why must they smell so irresistibly good?
Now imagine their voice and how you love to hear them say… well, say just about anything.
You ignore negative signs and instead tightly focus on any shred of evidence that supports the conclusion one day you will be together.
This is why there are no clocks in a casino.
If they can keep you at the tables, eventually you will give back all of your winnings.
The longer you stay the more you will lose.
Would they even notice?
Would they ask me where I went?
Would they ask me why I disappeared?
I mean the human being you long to hold.
No one goes to a grocery store to gamble well, unless you live in Vegas.
It minimizes your secret hopes for another chance in the future.
If you flip it and say — you want what you want — that way you can change your mind about what you want.
You can move on cleanly.
You can even redefine who that person is in your life.
Maybe you have to sever all ties and let them fade into your history.
Loving someone means you want their happiness above your own.
Some of us overlook that half of the equation.
You need to be first in your life.
That way when someone truly special comes along, someone who cares deeply for you, someone who wants your happiness more than their own and you want their happiness more than your own, you create a balance of love.
You have to have that symmetry of feeling.
I was wrong about love.
I just thought if I loved her, the rest would take care of itself.
The whole goal is to play.
The sooner you do that, the sooner you might find someone who really wants to play and have fun with you.
It only has lovers.
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